The day began as it usually does for me ,my dad pulling me down from the bed .Then trying to explain that how waking up so early (5 a.m)is supposed to make me feel "fresh " for the rest of the day. As i tried to explain how i had studied late last night and not sleeping enough could lead to permanent memory loss he told me that my teacher had called (last night)and had apparently informed him about my disastrous performance on the Vectors test(8 out of 40),realizing that this was not the time for explaining the the effects of not sleeping enough. I got out of bed ,went to the toilet, got myself dressed ,smuggled the mp3 under the Fat physics book ,and (ugh!) forced by the laws of cosmic justice started to study .Two numericals and thirty tracks later it was already time for school .
This was supposed to be the first day of the "new academic year" and i was requested(at gunpoint) not to be late .Yet again cosmic intervention(football forecast ESPN)seemed hell bent on making me miss my school bus.The thing is i am given 20 bucks(dad's a) ,for transportation in case i miss my bus but i generally used that money to buy chewing um .Ditto for that day despite knowing that my chances of missing the bus were astronomically high i couldn't help but buy 3 Orbit chewing gum sheets ,leaving me with 5 rupees change for the autoriskhaw fare .My superhuman intellectual capacities reminded me that the last time i has missed the bus ,the fare was 5bucks ,but what it forgot to remind me however was that i had moved recently and my current residence was 3 times as far from my school as my last one.As i boarded the rikshaw ,realization eventually had to dawned on me."i did not have enough " i thought ,and No matter how many times i counted the coins they still amounted to just 5 bugs, the strategically located "Auto-rate chart" , had Rupees 7 conveniently written on it.After doing some advanced mathematical calculations i figured i was 2 rupees short. Just two stupid measly rupees. I searched my bag a few times in case some money was left over from the post exam food bash we had ,but again "cosmic... blah.." played spoil sport .The fact that i was in a bad fix became more and more apparent to me .I think i didn't even notice the hot woman walk past the rikshaw(or maybe i did).I realized I had to start thinking of other ways(apart from counting my coins) to get out of this "situation", After a long session of pure logical reasoning .I deduced that a stray asteroid from the kuiper belt knocked out from its orbit due to a collision with Ceres ,heading straight towards the earth was probably the only feasible way i could be saved from absolute embarrassment. I was trying to calculate the probability of that happening, when an elderly looking aunty happened to notice my predicament.She asked me what was wrong ..now normally i would have said "you are fucking ugly maaam,thats what is wrong" or "is it really this hard to mind your business" .The situation however clearly demanded otherwise . I told her what was wrong,how i was two rupees short and how she had a once in a lifetime opportunity to make it to heaven by helping me. She agreed readily ,but it did not stop there .The autodriver who was listening in to this said that i don't have to pay.I said thank you .I bloody had to ,but this one time i think i might have meant it.
That was a fun post to read man..way to go..
ReplyDeleteThe writing is nice and fun. The unabashed, unapologetic tone coupled with the often radical views make the articles an endearing read. However, the grammar is all over the place, especially with regards to the punctuation marks. (Read Eats,Shoots and Leaves)
ReplyDeleteGeez, this one’s waaaay better than that self-denigrating article you posted moaning about how you were in a dilemma whether or not to keep these memories!
ReplyDeleteAlright, there are typos, and spelling errors and wrong usage here and there.. also there are ample spaces for better expressions.. but this is absolutely ridonculously hilarious! :D :D
And also, I won’t single out the blunders you’ve made, you probably know those yourself by now. Besides, this made me laugh so much that it would be criminal to put forth any negative criticisms!
Again, this reminds me of a magazine article submitted by one of our juniors detailing his miserable plight in Class 11. “The Woes of being a Science Student” it’s titled, and at one point, he says, “My mother has just shaken me awake, and I tell her that it’s midnight, and to wake me up at a respectable hour. She points to the watch and tells me it’s 5 am. I ask her why she’s emphasizing my point.”
SO similar to what you began with! I guess like-minded litterateurs have a similar take on things! :D
Alright. My most favourite ones:
“Two numericals and thirty tracks later it was already time for school.”
“My superhuman intellectual capacities reminded me that the last time i has missed the bus ,the fare was 5bucks ,but what it forgot to remind me however was that i had moved recently and my current residence was 3 times as far from my school as my last one”
(though I assume ‘moved in’/ ‘moved out’ would better suit the purpose)
“After doing some advanced mathematical calculations i figured i was 2 rupees short.”
Then the asteroid crash probability, the hot woman (finally, this is someone real and not computers and DVDs and cellphones and celestial beauties), and the fat lady. :P
This time you could have brought in a little more emotion in the last two-three lines, though. You see, the sense of humble befuddlement and gratitude that comes with accepting the rickshaw driver’s offer with alacrity.